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Reconciliation is a difficult path that’s never easy. But it’s especially challenging to heal the breach in relationship with someone who we know has no intention of receiving it. Yet, we can’t reconcile with someone who we have wronged or who believes strongly that we have wronged them — empty handed.
Once we have reached out toward reconciliation and the other party refuses to fully accept our gifts and repentance, it’s better to simply walk away in peace and let God work it out.
That’s behind the parade of gifts of contrition Jacob sent to his brother, Esau, as recorded in the Torah passage וישלח Vayishlach (“he sent,” Gen. 32:3–36:43). And we’ll see in the parallel passages of Obadiah and Matthew 5 that what God hates gloating when our enemy is knocked down and punished by God — more so than the unforgiveness of our enemy.
Genesis 32:3–33:20: Reconcilable differences between Jacob and Esau
The Torah section וישלח Vayishlach (“he sent,” Gen. 32:3–36:43) begins with Jacob’s trying to reconcile with Esau. We see that God was the One Who separated Jacob and Esau.
When Esau received word that Jacob was returning to the Land, he brought an entourage of 400 men with him. There is no doubt that these men of Esau were an army. Jacob had every right to be concerned about this. However, Jacob had learned a lot during his sojourn with Laban — a heavy dose of dishonesty.
We also see hints in Laban’s final conversation with Jacob that he had planned to kill Jacob and steal Leah and Rachel and all his children back with him. It was only after God intervened with Laban in a dream that Laban didn’t follow through with his evil plans. Laban was very useful in teaching Jacob important life lessons and how to deal with Esau.
Jacob did not actually trick Esau of anything, Esau knew what he was giving up when he traded the birthright for the porridge and it was Rebekah who tricked Esau of the physical blessings, not Jacob.
Jacob’s wives also had their own relationship with Laban, which was not much better than Jaocb’s as well as their own relationship with HaShem.
You can’t reconcile with God without reconciliation with your ‘brother’
Jacob could have bypassed Esau and avoided him altogether. By this time, Esau was living in the land of Seir, far to the east of the promised land. Jacob however, knew that his brother had something against him and so he wanted to reconcile before making his offerings to HaShem and returning to his father’s house.
Yeshua (Jesus) taught this approach to reconciliation in the Sermon on the Mount:
“But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother shall be guilty before the court; and whoever says to his brother, ‘You good-for-nothing,’ shall be guilty before the supreme court; and whoever says, ‘You fool,’ shall be guilty enough to go into the fiery hell. “Therefore if you are presenting your offering at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your offering there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering.”
Matthew 5:22–24 NASB
Jacob knows he shouldn’t go to Bethel to thank God for his safe return while knowing that he still had unfinished business with Esau. Jacob did this knowing that Esau could have killed him and that he would never reach Bethel. Jacob knew that this reconciliation was so important that he was willing to take the risk.
Yeshua taught that reconciliation is tough, but internalizing “the Golden Rule” is part of our maturation as adopted sons and daughters of the King of the Universe:
“You have heard that it was said, ‘YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR (Lev. 19:18) and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven; for He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? If you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? Therefore you are to be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.”
Matthew 5:43–48 NASB
Jacob had learned from his father and grandfather how God wanted them to conduct themselves. How God wants us to reconcile with those who are angry with us. Jacob knew that 20 years before that Esau hated him so much that Esau wanted him dead. Abraham also would have told Jacob about how Isaac and Ishmael had a contentious relationship and would have warned Jacob about the dangers of sibling rivalry.
Don’t appease an enemy with words or stolen money
How did Jacob try to reconcile with Esau? By buying him off and appeasing him with supplies that things that Esau would value. He doesn’t even try to justify him, doesn’t explain his actions. He simply gives him gifts to try to warm his heart. Esau would not have received Jacob’s excuses and explanations so Jacob did bother with that kind of reunion.
Later the kings of Judah tried to do the same thing with the pagan kings who were threatening to invade, but God wasn’t happy with them. Why? Because the kings of Judah stole the gold and silver from the temple, stealing from God to appease them. That did not make God happy at all. The kings of Judah were offering something that didn’t belong to them which was the opposite of David’s lesson when he said he would not give something to God that did not cost him something.
Later in history, others made this same mistake. Infamously, the British tried to appease Hitler by “giving” him the Sudetenland of Czechia, a land that wasn’t Britain’s to give to anyone.
אהבה ahavah — “love” — is an action word in Hebrew. It’s not about feelings, but about doing things that prove that we consider them more important than we consider ourselves.
Jacob didn’t appease Esau with stolen blessings. The gifts that Jacob brought to Esau were things that he had worked for many years to obtain that God had blessed Jacob with for the purpose of blessing both Jacob and Esau.
We don’t reconcile with our enemy with words, but with actions, with gifts and blessing them with what God has given us. Love is an action word in Hebrew. It’s not about feelings, but about doing things that prove that we consider them more important than we consider ourselves.
Jacob later prayed to God. He had already done all he could do to appease Esau. Jacob uses God’s words against him, in a way, to supplicate to God for what he needs in this time, which is reconciliation with Esau, and also to keep his promise to meet him in Bethel with the blessings he had received during this time of sojourn in Laban’s home.
God responds by sending an angel, but the angel doesn’t speak at all. Angels are inherently stronger than human beings, but this angel had not been sent to destroy Jacob. It can be argued that the angel was the one who “cried uncle” first.
Fortunately for us, Jacob explains why the angel came to him and what he learned from the encounter.
“Jacob said, “No, please, if now I have found favor in your sight, then take my present from my hand, for I see your face as one sees the face of God, and you have received me favorably. “Please take my gift which has been brought to you, because God has dealt graciously with me and because I have plenty.” Thus he urged him and he took it.”
Genesis 33:10–11 NASB
Reconciliation is costly, but God sent the angel to do it rather than Esau. Jacob never would have won a physical confrontation with Esau.
King David says it’s better to be in the hands of God, who, although has all power, also shows mercy, rather than man, who does not show mercy or have compassion. Jacob did have scars from the encounter, but the scar helps him to never forget the lesson.
‘Your struggle is not with flesh and blood’
Jacob was not the same person as he was when he left his family’s house. All those struggles he had with men, were orchestrated by God, even from the womb. Those struggles were not only with Esau, Laban, etc., but also with himself. Jacob was able to gain, grow, improve and we do the same. God deals with us the same way. Each struggle we have with our fellow man is also a struggle within ourselves and with God.
Yeshua’s apostle Paul wrote about the proper preparation the people of God need to have in our encounters with the “world forces of this darkness” and the “spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places”:
“Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might. Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore, take up the full armor of God, so that you will be able to resist in the evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm. Stand firm therefore, HAVING GIRDED YOUR LOINS WITH TRUTH, and HAVING PUT ON THE BREASTPLATE OF RIGHTEOUSNESS, and having shod YOUR FEET WITH THE PREPARATION OF THE GOSPEL OF PEACE; in addition to all, taking up the shield of faith with which you will be able to extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. And take THE HELMET OF SALVATION, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.”
Ephesians 6:10–17 NASB
Jacob’s struggle have always been primarily spiritual, not physical. The same is true for us. In our struggle with our own unrighteous desires, it is God will always win.
Jacob did his best to reconcile with Esau but he didn’t live with him. When Jacob and Laban went their separate ways, they had hugs, kisses and a big meal. When Jacob and Esau went their separate ways, they simply left each other’s presence. There is a reason that Jacob was chosen by God from the womb to carry His name.
Obadiah: Don’t gloat over or participate in your brother’s downfall
Obadiah 1, the parallel passage (haftarah) for Vayishlach, gives us more insight into the spirit of Esau, so we can see more clearly why God chose Jacob over Esau as his emissary to the world. He is most likely speaking during the reign of Jeroboam in the Northern Kingdom.
Esau participated and gloated over the destruction of Jacob. We see that when the children of Israel left Egypt, the people of Edom would not allow them to travel though their land.
Jacob showed a Messianic trait in his encounter with the angel and that is the spirit of reconciling with someone you don’t even like. He treated his brother with respect.
Messiah’s ministry on Earth was only three years or so — shorter, by some figurings. That was short time. He reconciled us to God and then left to return to Heaven. If Messiah had stayed on earth after His resurrection, the people would have tried to make Him king again but it was not His time.
What was Esau’s trait? He rejoiced in the suffering of his brother, even after the reconciliation. That is what Obadiah shows us and that is why God did not choose Esau family line as His representation on earth. God “hated” Esau because he gloated in and enjoyed the suffering of his brother.
Obadiah’s prophecy comes true in the days of Titus, when the Idumeans go to war against him and lose. There’s no record of the Idumeans after that time.
Esau’s fall as recorded by Obadiah mirrors what we read about the fall of apocalyptic Babylon in Revelation 18.
The arrogance of your heart has deceived you,
Obadiah 1:3 NASB
You who live in the clefts of the rock,
In the loftiness of your dwelling place,
Who say in your heart,
“Who will bring me down to earth?”
“To the degree that she glorified herself and lived sensuously, to the same degree give her torment and mourning; for she says in her heart, ‘I SIT as A QUEEN AND I AM NOT A WIDOW (Isa. 47:7; Zeph. 2:15), and will never see mourning.’”
Revelation 18:7 NASB
Esau and Babylon possess a similar spirit of gloating over the persecution of God’s people and God punishes them in a similar fashion.
Summary: Tammy
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